What Are Friends For Anyways

On: having a friend to support you when there's no friend around.

The Teardown

Wednesday :: August 14th, 2024 :: Approx. 9 min read

👋 Hi, this is Chris with another issue of The Teardown. In every issue, I cover how we evolve in concert with the technology that enables our day-to-day lives. If you’d like to get emails like this in your inbox every week, hit the subscribe button below.

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For Something, I Think

These friends seem to like each other

Are friends there to help us when we need them? Do we keep them because their presence improves our mental and emotional health? Do you need a friend when you - strong as you may be - can’t move a large mattress up L-shaped stairs on your own?

And, when you aren’t with friends, ask yourself why. Is it because your youngest kid naps in the early afternoon? (Yes). Are you a strident anti-socialist that prefers to be home with a book than around other bodies? Maybe you’re too tired and need to crumple on the couch. Maybe you’re too drunk and can’t motivate yourself out your front door.

The answers to these questions are all, well, yes. Some combination of yes, anyways. We come in all shapes and sizes, some liking friendship and friend-time, and some tilting heavily towards time alone, with a mixture of personalities in between.

Time with friends is interesting in many ways. But I think time without friends is more fascinating, in part because of all the things you can do when no one is around. Of course, I’m talking about pedestrian activities like reading, writing, organizing houses, apartments, closets, tending to outdoor plants, errands (both physical and virtual), and etc.

You might, like me, spend quite a bit of time with wandering thoughts as you do those things. A good simple example is walking around your neighborhood to think something out. Or, maybe you do your best ideating when selecting fresh vs. rotten lettuce at the grocery store.

These are situations during which you operate in a somewhat oblivious state. The goal of the activity is in mind, in clear sight, and you’re focused on that activity. A disruption isn’t unwelcome, per se, but knocks you off your previous path of semi-autonomous behavior. And, in a public space (library, grocery store, etc.), that disruption might be the words flowing from someone’s mouth to your ears. You catch them gradually - not realizing what’s happening - or perhaps by surprise with accompanying shock.

When the moment passes, you might want to dive back into your previous deeply intellectual state. But that train of thought must have persisted in proper form, and the moment may be gone, especially after a lengthy disruption.

Conversation with friends is similar, especially in groups. You jump from topic to topic, sometimes completing them, sometimes not. There are disruptions galore, from jokes, to very serious tangents, and you might have one friend that just can’t ever shut up. All of the good and the bad that comes these interactions seeps into your brain over time.

One scenario we haven’t yet contemplated: what if you’re alone, and you either really want or need a friend in that moment? The circumstance may be trending in a positive or negative direction, but there is an acute need no matter what. What do you do?

Your cell phone, if you have it, allows for that immediate outreach. You can fire off a text, or better yet, call. You satiate that need without much time spent.

There is then a subset of moments when you’re alone and need to initiate contact but either don’t have a cellphone at your fingertips, or you’re determined to avoid digging through your pocket for it.

That moment is when you might want a Friend. Or, that’s what your Friend thinks.

Never Let Your Friend Out Of Your Sight

The Friend device falls into this (my own) category of consumer products: things we didn’t know we wanted and aren’t sure we need.

Credit: Friend.com

The category includes some other notable recent examples:

• The Humane AI Pin. It is a lapel “pin” that purports to replace your cellphone and save you from the screen overlord ruining your productive life. Here’s my take in case you missed it.

• The Rabbit R1. It is an AI-powered pocket companion. Somehow, according to Rabbit, Inc., my cellphone isn’t that companion for me. Clearly I misunderstand the phone use-case. Why would I need all that screen if I just want my AI buddy to transcribe and cheerily reword a voice note? Except, the Rabbit R1 has a screen too. Anyways.

My take on the Humane AI pin included a blurb about my support for innovation in the consumer hardware space:

The Humane AI Pin doesn’t look as strange but has equally strange intentions.

But bold bets are important in life. People assume huge risks to start companies that revolutionize physical products, software, media, and more. Designers stretch the limits of physical product technology and appeal in part to demonstrate that we don’t have to stick to the status quo. Sometimes, anyways.

So, with your Friend looped around your neck, you open up the box of interaction-augmented alone time. You don’t need all the actual people available to you on your phone. You just talk to your Friend.

The promotional video for the device is awe-inducing. It shows several life moments augmented by the Friend device. Watch the entire video using the link below.

At 0:13, a fit hiker presses her Friend for some motivational support, claiming she is a subpar woo’er. While this happens, her lips contort with a brief moment of vulnerability, as if to ask to someone, how could I do this better?

Her Friend obliges but in a way that I didn’t anticipate: it sends her an in-app message, on her phone. And, it doesn’t actually confirm one way or another saying instead that, well, at least everyone is outside. Friend is obviously a person, too.

Were it not for that calm confirmation, she would be left forever (briefly, really) unaware of her own state of woo mind. (No affiliation with Wu-Tang)

Between 0:33 and 0:38, a college-looking kid sitting in a pit of darkness, chips, and blue light loses a video game to his friend and claims he hates this game. But his Friend is listening and offers him veiled support, again with an in-app phone-based message: you suck and I would rather be hanging off the neck of a better player.

At 0:57, a woman taking a much needed shift-break (I think) tells her Friend that her falafel is dank and she could eat one every day. She then spills sauce on her Friend, narrowly avoiding a fully-ruined white blouse. Thank you, Friend.

And, at 1:06, we stumble into both the best, worst, strangest, and goosebump-inducing clip of the entire video. A young woman and man appear to be on a date. It looks, frankly, very uncomfortable, with her perched on a cooler that doesn’t leave much space to stretch and him hunched on a step-stool. My experience tells me that dates are better with access to proper chairs, though not a strict requirement to sit in them. I should offer the Adirondacks sitting in my front yard to local high-school kids looking to go on dates and not loiter behind the local Starbucks (like I did).

Anyways, the woman says she found the industrial rooftop somewhat by accident, and then says (emphasis mine):

I kinda like to come up here [the roof] to be by myself

I’ve never brought anyone else up here

I mean, [points to Friend], besides her

With that important social cue, the man’s confidence bubbles to a fever-pitch and he says I guess I must be doing something right.

She quips yes, sort of, we’ll see, and they both stare at what I presume is a fascinating but rusty industrial fan in a rooftop air-conditioning unit. The skyline at that time of the evening is truly a sight.

What Is The Use-Case

Now, of course, the video is cringe-worthy on purpose. It is an attention-grabber. The company is telling a story, invoking an emotion, and teasing you to look for more. I did, after watching it, go to the website (friend.com - an SEO darling) to see what I could better understand about this magical Friend.

Two things stood out to me:

1. Friend is not that expensive ($99), especially compared to its companion device - an iPhone. So, it doesn’t cost much to attain another Friend if you somehow lose your Friend (O.G. BFF) hiking the Pacific Northwest wilderness.

2. Friend always listens to you. Can you say that about your real friends? I think not! What a glorious addition to your life. But, just make sure to carry a back-up battery because Friend operates over Bluetooth and requires an internet connection. You might need to charge your phone, or your Friend, or both, or be stuck in the hellscape that is a completely disconnected device-free life. You don’t want that.

The cost component is compelling. It’s both easy to replace, but also, if you don’t break it in short order, not something you’ll buy over and over again. You don’t need more than one Friend. You need just one. That means the replacement cycle for this device might be a problem for the company. They need lots of people to drop $99 out of their wallets to make any money. My guess, anyways.

Perhaps, instead, they’ll offer a suite of Friends - some close, some adjacent, covering different types of Friends. Some will be work Friends. Some home Friends, and maybe just one will be that personal touch close Friend that understands your deepest thoughts.

So, if you’re asking yourself, when would I actually use this Friend for anything, well, so am I.

It’s a device with a use-case (I think I understand it) that is entirely possible with a phone. It’s a device that isn’t more convenient than a voice recorder for, well, recording your voice and your thoughts.

The device will, at best, live around your neck without comment in a professional setting. But, it’s hard to imagine not derailing an important conversation with another about that thing around your neck.

You won’t wear it in most formal settings. It doesn’t fit with a dress. It doesn’t fit under a dress shirt. It isn’t going to be an appropriate accessory to a slim and tailored suit. It’s not for use in bed - something I hope we all agree to support.

So, if the assumption is that I wear Friend in a limited number of settings and for only narrow use - something akin to friendship - am I going to bother at all?

Does this device not end up in my home electronic scrap heap in, say, a year?